playing catch-up

This is going to be a confusing post, sorry. I promised a while back that I'd keep writing on my computer and post everything later (later being now). Well... that didn't work out too well (are you surprised?) but I did manage to write a couple times. I started posting them separately, but as I read them, I was mildly amused by the progression (or lack, thereof, depending on how you look at it) of my thoughts about Kyrgyzstan and the PCV life.

Sept. 29

I miss some things about home. The ease with which we could eat. The convenience of everything. The food. Don’t get me wrong, I’m having an amazing gastronomic adventure. ;) But sometimes, you just want a taste of what you know, you know? Like mac and cheese…the boxed kraft variety. Or quinoa from R. Thomas…(oh R. Thomas, how I miss thee..) Or a grilled cheese sandwich made with processed cheese product. haha. I miss the cleanliness too.

I like the relaxed life here. It’s really nice not to have to worry about money or grades. I’m in language classes almost 20 hours each week and I have homework, but the fact that I NEED the language motivates me so much more than grades ever did. I’m learning quickly… I know now why they call the Peace Corps language instruction the best in the world. I learn more in one day of language instruction here than I would have in 2/3 weeks of classes at Emory… at least in the French department there. haha what does that say about my 40K/year education?

Nov. 22

Even if you threw me into a pit toilet right now, you couldn’t take away the feeling of satisfaction that overcame me today. I’m so content with where I am, both physically and mentally. I don’t have running water or heat in my house. My toilet is a deep, scary hole in the ground. And when I want to wash my clothes, it’s laborious and takes forever. But I don’t care. It’s like the two spheres of things that I imagine will happen and things that actually do happen in life have finally merged into one: my life exactly as it is right now. I’m no longer feeling like what life gives me is a half-assed version of what I expected.

Today was the last day of technical training, and next week, specifically December 2, I’m finally going to be sworn in as a Peace Corps Volunteer. Pre-Service Training will finally be over, thank God, and I’m going to move to my permanent site in Osh City. Well, it’s technically not in the city, but I’ll be literally five minutes from the city. I’m pretty excited about the city: it was a major trading post on the Silk Road thousands of years ago and still has one of the largest bazaars in Central Asia. I’m also going to be learning Uzbek because my school is primarily Uzbek.

But more exciting than knowing that I’m finally going to fulfill this dream that I’ve had for so long, is knowing that I’m sharing this experience with some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. Everyone has flaws, don’t get me wrong, but there is something so unique, so special about someone willing to volunteer two years to better the situation of people not as fortunate. I came into this experience believing that this would be a time of solitude, which would naturally lead to self-discovery. But I realize now that the other people here, both American and Kyrgyz, are the true vehicles to becoming more aware of who I am and what I’m capable of. Without the people, the right mix of them, I don’t think I could find what it is that I’m looking for…. Sure, the people around you are always important. I just think that in a situation as uncommon as the one PCVs face, the people around you, who’re experiencing all the same things, are even more important. And the people around me, I think, are great. Even if I don’t know them all…having the guts to join PC means a lot.

Dec. 12

I had no finals on my birthday this year. :) The sweet, selfish nature of a day that celebrates nothing but you had eluded me for so long that I had forgotten it. But I felt it again two days ago, thanks to the great people in my life. It started with a trip to the Kyrgyz/Uzbek version of a Turkish bath. My friend Rachel and I lounged, steamed, and showered in a private bath for a total of $1 each. The bath we went to even had a private pool, but it was a little sketch, so we didn't go swimming. The rest of the day was well spent walking around town, doing absolutely nothing. At night, we joined a party of K12's and had a good celebrating my birthday and a K11's close-of-service. It was just... great. I've said it before and I say it again, the people that join PC are some of the best around. :) That's not to say that you guys back home aren't amazing, because without your messages of support and many birthday wishes, it definitely wouldn't have been as beautiful a day. :)

Dec. 14

Two days ago, I hoped that tomorrow would be like today. Today I pray that tomorrow will be unlike today. Life is all that I expected of it. But, oddly enough, it is when things are perfect that I miss the old life, the people I left behind the most. I ache for people that I haven't seen in months--I almost want to cry, I miss them so much. Almost. It's their quirks, their individual strengths (and flaws) that I miss. Maybe...maybe when you miss these little things, it means you truly loved people for who they were, and not just because of the convenience of having them around.