$80 a month is not a lot of money

*I know all I keep writing about is bad... I can't help it. There's so much I want to write, but every time I actually sit down to write, only the bad comes out. ha ha. Sorry, less depressing stuff to come, promise.*

It’s been snowing in Osh for the last two days. We must have gotten a good 7-10 inches. I’ve never seen so much snow accumulate. Correction, I’ve never seen so much real snow accumulate. ;) It’s beautiful but eerie, which is why I haven’t ventured outside of my family compound since New Year’s Eve. Today I’d planned to go out into the city and make full use of my first pair of snow boots. As I got ready to go out, I realized that my wallet was missing. My pretty red wallet, with more than 3000 som (~ US $75), a credit card, and my driver’s license, was gone. I had it when I went to the bazaar Saturday, and when I later went to an internet cafe. I almost remember seeing it in my bag when I got home. Almost. I can’t be sure. But if it was there when I returned…what does that mean? I am now short some material possessions that can be easily replaced, but I’m left with a newly planted seed of doubt about my security in this family.

On Friday, I exchanged some money so that I could purchase more units for my cell phone. At the moment, I have .19 useless units. .8 units will allow me to send one text message in Kyrgyzstan; 6.0 will allow one to the States. I didn’t buy one on Friday because I couldn’t find one anywhere around town. Today, I must have been to 10 dukons (convenience shops) but no one has any, and won’t have any for a few days? weeks? I don’t know, I didn’t understand their Russian explanation because PC didn’t teach me Russian.

Losing money is always painful. Losing $75 when you only earn about $80 per month...well, what do you think? Imagine losing a month’s salary… I’ve never felt so poor and helpless to get myself out of the “poverty” I live in because PC policy prevents me from taking a job that would result in monetary benefit. This “poverty”, however, is pretty good living by Kyrgyz, even Central Asian standards. The average teacher’s salary in Kyrgyzstan is 1000 som (US $25) per month. 70-80% of the people in this country live below poverty level. Here I am, homesick, longing for hot running water that never runs out and Starbucks coffee, and these people barely have enough to eat. I’m upset about losing money, but for a host country national, such a loss would be devastating, not just mildly upsetting.

The sharp contrast between life for most of the world’s population and life as Americans know it is glaring and ugly. We Americans are terribly spoiled. The realization that we live our posh lives as the majority of the world suffers is beginning to disgust me. I seek comfort in knowing that I have the ability to return at any time to my leisurely life back home, but that, too, disturbs me. If seeing is believing, then I can no longer deceive myself and pretend like these seemingly hopeless conditions don’t exist. Anyone with a conscience is changed after seeing such destitution. The blame is not my own, yet I can not help but guilt myself for the life I have lived.